Saturday, July 12, 2003

Making a Good Pot of Coffee

I must be easily distracted or something

OK, so I woke up all early this morning -- energized, refreshed, and ready to kick the world right in the pants. Made a sensible breakfast, did my laundry, read some materials for a new seemed all that was left to do before heading off to work was to sing the Folger's song, and make the FUCK out of this pot of coffee -- then drink it.

That's a great plan, as long as you remember the Golden Rule of coffee-makery: as dad used to say, "Make sure the pot is in the coffee maker before you turn it on, otherwise you won't get any goddamn coffee."

I forgot the Golden Rule.

So when i got back upstairs from picking up my laundry, i noticed a funny tang to the familiar aroma of fresh-roasted coffee...a "scorching" kind of tang. Upon further inspection, i noticed that coffee was smouldering on the hot plate and that coffee-nated water had backed up, with the grounds, all the way back into the coffee reservoir. If you ever wanted to know what happens when you put up an enormous pot of coffee without actually putting the pot in the coffee-maker, well that's it. It is very hard to clean a mistake like that up.

But how the hell are you supposed to react when you do something like that? You come into the apartment, and coffee is simmering on the boiler plate, the whole apartment reeks of burning coffee, and there's stinking coffee grounds in every conceivable exposed surface of your kitchen and you kick your own ass? do you take the coffee machine -- which should totally have some kind of safety device to prevent morons from trying to make coffee without the pot -- and launch it off your balcony?

No!! You pick yourself up and dust yourself off. You slowly shake your head -- saving yourself the trouble of saying "i'm such an idiot" out loud -- clean out the disgusting coffee-maker, and make a real pot of coffee to take with you. OH -- and make sure to pour the finished coffee into your travel mug, then leave for work with the mug still sitting on the god damned kitchen counter where you left it.